Monday, June 8, 2009

A Boys’ Night Out

It's in every man's destiny to rise up against the tight binding chains of female tyranny at least once in his life. This isn't a call to arms, but rather a call to party. The average dude spends more than 40 hours a week at work, with maybe another 10 spent working at home.

There's sleeping, which can take up to another 40 hours, and then we have to consider all the chores and family-oriented activities. The week's gone and the most fun the majority of men are having is limited to leafing through their wives' new Victoria's Secret catalog.
Loosen up, man
Guys need to unwind, to find themselves in the company of other Y chromosomes, to be themselves and not worry about the consequences. Political correctness has all but destroyed the male identity and it has become impossible to act out our basic needs in public. Only when we're amongst our peers can we truly be ourselves.

Boys' night out can take many shapes and forms, depending on whether you're single, married or have entered the realm of fatherhood. The more responsibilities you have, the more judgment you have to exercise. A single man doesn't have to think about the consequences, unless it involves where he's going to sleep that night.

On the other hand, a good father always thinks about his kids first and foremost.
Man with a plan...
Where you go is your business, but any hombre will tell you that the best spot involves sports, booze and chicks -- but not necessarily in that order. The idea is to chill out, so anything that keeps you from thinking about your daily problems is excellent.

What will eventually determine your destination is the level of wildness you're willing to attain. Single guys never have trouble with this one; they can sit in a nightclub with their pants down to their ankles without having to make any excuses. But anyone with the proverbial ball and chain has some serious decisions to make.

In the end, your level of "craziness" is directly proportional to the despotism of your spouse. If she keeps you on a tight leash, chances are you won't be getting lap dances in a limo. Well, that's if you're afraid of her. On the other hand, sometimes a psycho control freak will drive you to the edge of insanity, and that's when you'll be the wildest.

If, alternatively, your woman is loving, trusting and understanding, no run-of-the-mill testosterone-fueled fellow in his right mind would do anything to damage the relationship. Her open-mindedness is thus the ultimate yardstick by which your wildness can be measured.

But should you decide to go the untamed way, be wary of long-lasting proof. Pictures can be taken and they may not be to your advantage. Keep track of who has the negatives and copies, and be sure you're able to convince that person to be selective with whom he chooses to show them off to.

Should you lie about going out?

Think pink...
Tell your woman why you need to go out and party. Relationships are built on communication, and you'll never find a better example of it than this situation. She can be more indulgent than you think, so why not give it a shot?

And while you're on an honesty streak, why not tell her the gist of your evening? Females have the unfortunate tendency to become insecure about the little things. You know she gets hysterical about the mailman not being on time, so how do you think she'll react when she knows you're about to embark on a journey to the dreadful depths of human degeneracy? Do yourself a favor and tell her most of the things you and your buddies will be doing. You can leave the spicy details out if you think no serious damage will ensue.

I know that boys' night out can be extremely entertaining, but try to keep yourself from doing it too often. I'm aware that some of you may want my head on a platter for uttering such heinous words, but I only have your best interests at heart. Going out more frequently than your girl can brand you a selfish deadbeat. She's most likely working as hard as you are and deserves as many good times as you do. So, the moment you're starting to have more fun than her, your stock plummets. Moderation rules.
Attenuate the guilt
You don't have to be a student of Sun Tzu's The Art of War to understand that diversionary tactics can be of great assistance. It can be kind of cheesy, but buying her presents is a good way to have her ease the pressure. Or if you suspect that your lady feels neglected, schedule "date night" on an evening that you're not with your boys. The idea is to counterbalance. You will get pleasure from your night, so find a way to bring her pleasure. If gifts and special treatment can make her feel better, hey, who am I to judge?

Similarly, you can select a date for boys' night when you know she will be busy. Not necessarily because she won't notice your absence, but because it won't leave her feeling like an outsider. Better yet, suggest that she organize a girls' night out. If she's friends with the wives and girlfriends of your mates, it could be a fantastic opportunity for the genders to go their separate ways.
Lies aren't always the answer
It's possible that you may not be comfortable with all this sincerity. If it's your intention to lie about the true nature of your evening, do so very cautiously. A wise man once said that when two people know a secret, it's no longer a secret.

With other guys involved, lies have a very good chance of catching up with you. Your buddy may have a tolerant girlfriend who won't mind hearing about the depravity. But watch your back if she shoots her mouth off to your spouse, especially if she's not so broadminded. Don't be reckless; evaluate your chances first.

Keep in mind that talk is cheap and a woman is likely to judge your actions. If she's used to seeing you acting crudely and lewdly toward women or constantly eyeballing the all-night buffet, so to speak, don't be surprised if she goes completely ballistic when you suggest that you might be going out with the boys. Earn her trust and I guarantee she won't give you trouble over the next boys' night out.


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